


Leaves, Rain and Sorrow

by Skylar_Inkstone



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Drug abuse/use, Eventually the comfort part, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, feels too, lot's and lot's of angst, talk of:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 10:05:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18163784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar_Inkstone/pseuds/Skylar_Inkstone
Summary: She doesn't know how or when it started, but she does know this: her girlfriend needs help, or else she risks losing her forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not pretend to know anything/everything about drugs, drug abuse, alcoholism, abuse or rehabilitation centers. I do not claim to know how these things work or function and anything not accurate feel free to either A) Accept it as a crazy part of the AU or B) Let me know POLITELY and KINDLY in the comments. *hides behind hands* Please don't attack me, I'm literally just writing this for fun, as a way to improve my writing skills. :)

Katya didn’t know when it had really started. She didn’t know why either, not for lack of trying. But one day she was just suddenly _aware_ of it happening. The worst part was that she didn’t know how to stop it from occurring or how to help. She asked over and over and never got an answer. And that killed her inside. She didn’t want to get anyone involved or in trouble, so she never said anything to anyone. The one person she did talk about it with was the very same person she was tirelessly trying to convince to stop, the person she was trying to help. And she knew that, eventually, someone or something had to give. She kept on hoping that it wouldn’t be her, but it felt like it. It felt like a failure that she wasn’t enough to make it all stop. And so, she supposed, it was probably inevitable that this situation would rear its ugly head in a permanent sort of way. It still felt like a loss on her part. Actually, this whole situation felt like her fault – like she was the big, fat loser here, in a lose-lose situation.

            “Katya! Don’t you understand how dangerous this is? You of all people should know! You could’ve at least come to me right away! I know this shit! I have a _fucking_ _degree_ in it!”

            Katya tuned out a raging Ginger Minj, aware that anything she said would only be echoing everything she had already thought or considered. She supposed it was somewhat reliving to have someone else help in with the situation. But it was also what felt like yet another sign of failure, of being unable to protect Trixie. Katya rubbed her arms, suddenly cold, remembering how her last conversation with her girlfriend went over.

            Trixie had come home, strongly smelling of weed and her breath reeking of alcohol. Katya confronted her for what felt like the millionth time. It must’ve felt that way to Trixie too, Katya mused ruefully, touching her left cheek gently. Trixie was the gentlest soul Katya had ever met. Or at least, she had been, because she seemed to have gotten so fed up with Katya that, for the first time Katya could ever recall, Trixie had become violent.

            Katya had tried to cover the bruise that had bloomed darkly across her cheek, but her yoga job had caused her to sweat it off and Ginger, who had come to pick her up to take her out to a new waffle place, had saw it. When she was asked about it, Katya just burst into some very uncharacteristic tears. Startled, Ginger had pulled her into a hug and Katya couldn’t help herself from spilling the whole story to her. And now she was kind of regretting it.

            “And you can’t just let her get away with it! Actually, you shouldn’t let her get away with any of this. I think that you and I both know she needs to go into rehab.”

            “Wha- NO! I mean… It’s not like… She’s… I… Just…”

            Ginger raised an eyebrow, causing Katya to squirm slightly.

            “Okay, yeah,” Katya sighed in defeat. “Fine. She needs to go into rehab. It’s just…” She buried her head into her hands for a moment before looking back up. “I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with her Ginger. I just want to make sure that what I’m doing is really the best thing for her.”

            “And you will. I’ll help. I’m sure we’ll get other people to help too, if you guys need it.”

            “I… Yeah. Thanks Ginger.”

            “Of course.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Katya was forever indebted to Ginger. Right from the moment Katya agreed that Trixie had to go to rehab, Ginger helped with all the details, from which rehab would be best suited to organizing the sponsorship situation. It only took about two days to get together everything (Ginger had connections) but it felt like two weeks. On the third day, they had the dreaded job of getting Trixie into the car to drive her to the center. And it was starting to look like a real adventure.

            “I can’t believe you Katya! You just left papers and browsers open! Of course I knew what you were doing! And you know what? You can’t make me! You won’t, wouldn’t dare! That’s why you need Ginger here! To help you, right? Well I say no!”

            “Come on Trix! I would never do anything to hurt you! Ever! I’m worried and concerned about you and I’ve _tried_ talking to you and you just freeze me out!” Katya felt something warm sliding down her cheeks. Tears. “Trixie… Trixie, please. I promise, I will not leave you there. But this isn’t something that is healthy! I should know! Please… Please, Trixie,” begged Katya, full on crying now. “I would never – **_never_** – hurt you! I promise!”

            Trixie sneered and Katya was startled to find an expression she finally found to look ugly on her girlfriend’s beautiful face.

            “Oh please Katya. What do you know? You’ve already hurt me. You’ve only been breathing down my neck recently, trying to stop me from doing what I need to be _happy_. Do you get that? Do you understand Katya? You. Are. Making. Me. Miserable.”

            Ginger stepped up next to Katya, placing a hand on her shoulder, stopping her from arguing with Trixie.

            “What about me Trixie?”

            “You?” Trixie shrugged.

            “What if I take you for a ride? I promise that I will not take you to the center. We’ll just go for a bit of a drive, clear your head. How does that sound?”

            Trixie shot a disdained look at Katya when she made a sound of protest.

            “That sounds like a great idea.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            They pulled into an out of the way gas station, Ginger saying that she needed to get gas. She pulled Katya out of the car with her, saying something about wanting to send her into the tiny gas station store for some cigarettes.

            “What are you doing?”

            “Listen, bitch. I promised her that _I_ wouldn’t drive her there. Never said anything about you.”

            “Ginger, we can’t just… She will try to jump out of the car if she figures it out! And she’s really smart! She’ll know!”

            “Calm down girl, I’ve got child locks.”

            “Oh.”

            Ginger smirked, although her face was devoid of all amusement. “You’re welcome.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She doesn't know how or when it started, but she does know this: her girlfriend needs help, or else she risks losing her forever.

            Once Trixie realized what was happening she tried the door. It didn’t open and she lost it. Katya stoically ignored the insults and accusations in favor of paying attention to the road. Ginger, however, tried to get Trixie to calm down. Katya could’ve told her how that would end.

            “You know what Ginger? Fuck you. Seriously. You promise that you won’t take me to the center and what are you doing? Taking me to the fucking center.”

            Ginger internally cursed Katya for leaving sensitive information about the rehab center out in the open.

            “I promised that I wouldn’t **drive** you there.”

            “Same difference,” Trixie growled.

            Katya glanced back in the rearview mirror to look at Trixie. She was surprised to find that she didn’t really recognize the person she was looking at. Oily unkempt hair that looked like it would be ripped off Trixie’s scalp if you would try to brush it. Not a spot of makeup and blotchy cheeks. And Katya could swear she could see a pimple or two. Whatever it was that was actually going on, Katya was suddenly very, very glad that Ginger had convinced her to see some sense. It wasn’t like her girlfriend wasn’t allowed to _not_ look put together, but the level of lack of hygiene was truly worrisome. Ever since she had met Trixie, Trixie had never looked so… Uncared for. It was like Trixie had stopped caring for herself, Katya mused, pulling into the front drive of the center. And it worried her. A lot.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Emotionally and mentally overwrought from dropping a distressed Trixie off, Katya laid on her bed, limbs outstretched. Trixie had really put up a fight once inside, which was kind of stupid. And Trixie didn’t tend to do stupid things. Another slap in the face that Katya let something about her beautiful girlfriend degrade. She really wished that Trixie had just **_talked_** to her, told her what had been going on. She hadn’t wanted to resort to such drastic measures. She didn’t want to be away from her, she wanted to help. But the center took her away to one of the many rooms and said that she and Ginger should go. That when they felt Trixie was ready to see her again, she’ll get a call. It was actually one of the reasons why she chose this particular center.

            Not only did she see that it would be a good place for Trixie, they also had very strict policies about who could visit and when they could. If they didn’t Katya would be there every day, and, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, it would not help Trixie at all to constantly have Katya there.

            Trixie’s words early proved the point, Katya thought bitterly, replaying the scene in a loop.

            “I hate you Yekatrina,” Trixie had hissed into her ear. “Hate. You. Don’t bother coming to check up on me – clearly you don’t care.”

            Katya had tried to protest and Trixie had given her a scathing look paired with a, “if you think I still love you, you’re wrong. I don’t love you. I hate you.”

            And now, Katya really just wanted to forget the whole ordeal. Just for a few hours. So she found Trixie’s bottle of sleeping pills that Katya had forced her to get prescribed when Trixie had kept on waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes screaming. Swallowing the pill, Katya curled up, ignoring the hollow feeling inside of her stomach and fell asleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            She had always had a talent for fucking things up. But this time was different. This time she _wanted_ to fuck up. Wanted to see how far she could go. How far could she push. She didn’t know why she was doing these things. She knew that it was negatively affecting the people around her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to care. It was better than thinking about… Well, it was better than thinking at all.

            She was hooked up to something or another, she couldn’t really bring herself to care at this point. She had been led to her room right upon arrival, where she saw the neon pink suitcase Katya must’ve packed for her. Fuck Katya. Trixie didn’t need to be here. It wasn’t like anything got out of hand. Katya… God. Katya was just being so fucking over _protective_. Like, Trixie is an adult. An adult fully capable of excising her rights to alcohol, to whatever the fuck she wanted. She wasn’t some goddamn kid who needed to be watched over.

            She didn’t realize it until the tears were tickling her ears. She started to sob. She hated Katya. She hated Ginger. She hated this facility. She hated her life and she wanted out. It wasn’t fair. Katya had been able to use whatever fucking drugs she had wanted without repercussion. She had been able to drink whenever, whatever. Never did anyone put _her_ into rehab!

            Trixie’s chest heaved painfully as she started to bawl, curling up into a ball, mindful of the IV. The nurse who had been doing something or another, came rushing over.

            “Is there something wrong?”

            Trixie tried to tell her to fuck off, put found that she couldn’t speak over the lump in her throat. She raised her hand, middle finger sticking proudly in the air and proceeded to sob harder.

            “Beatrice, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

            Apparently this place was a first name basis kind of place. Trixie instantly hated it with more passion, finally finding enough of her voice to let loose a wordless, guttural scream. Once she started, however, she found she couldn’t stop. So she cried and screamed until her throat hurt and felt sore and rough about the loss of who she thought her girlfriend was, about her life, about her family and about her current situation. But mostly, she just screamed and cried for who she used to be and who she was so scared she had been becoming. Because the person she had been on the way to being terrified her. And now, the very thing she had been trying to avoid, inevitably, happened. It just happened differently than she thought it would.

            Because in the end, she had lost all the light in her world. The light she had been desperately avoiding, trying so hard not to lose it. But once she lost her love for Katya, she knew that she wouldn’t get it back. She wouldn’t be able to protect her. Because she now **_hated_** the Russian. Hate. Ed.   

            So she ignored the dull ache in the pit of her stomach as she cried and screamed herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm pretty much 100% aware of the fact that MOST of these things in the scenes at the facility are going to be inaccurate. Do me a favor and roll with it as part of suspension of disbelief and/or as an AU of our world so things happen differently. Thanks, I appreciate it. Anyways, come over on Tumblr and talk to me about whatever. You can find me there at @our-blood-is-our-ink.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Please let me know what you think, I'm trying to do a different spin on things. Come talk to me on Tumblr's website at @our-blood-is-our-ink.


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